Purpose? That you?

So far college hasn't been the best experience for me. For the first three years I was getting my AA degree, I felt lost and frustrated with my lack of a reason for being there. I didn't know what I was doing. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life or for a career.

Fortunately, a pattern started to form.

I started taking more media and communication classes and actually enjoying them. That is something I had never experienced before in school. I am not a natural born student. I've hated school from pretty much the first day of Pre-K. 

But it started to click, just a little bit with me, I started to learn stuff that I actually cared about. 

So I got my AA and went on to a different school, because I still wasn't sure what I wanted to do, but I might as well have a Bachelor's degree. I went into Communication, which I thought I would love. 

I was wrong. 

It was boring. Honestly, I think I learned about the communication model in every one of my classes. At the same time. And I learned about Pathos, Ethos and Logos in at least two out of four. That is something I learned all the way back in HIGH SCHOOL.

And a couple of the classes ended up being incredibly hard. I got the first C I've had in years because one of the teachers graded so hard. 

So, I recently decided to say "screw it" and go for what I've wanted to do for about 3 or 4 years now. 

I want to be a director. Of film. 

So I changed my major to Media Arts and so far, I love it. 

I feel like I'm starting to find what I'm meant to be. I know that sounds cheesy, but most of things I think and say are cheesy. 

For example, in my class about Film Producers, we were talking about finances and how to fund your movie. And normally, in any class talking about finances would be enough to make me want to use a cheese grater on my forehead, but this time I was engaged in what we were talking about. Do you understand how strange that is for me? 

So we'll see if this sticks for once and I don't become one of those college students who changes their major six times. Gosh, I hope so. I want to be done with school so badly. 

So moral of the story? Don't let anyone stop you from doing what you love to do. I should have done this earlier. I wish I would have changed my major last semester. 

So, thanks for listening and I will see you next year when I do another blog post. 

Just Kidding.

Hopefully.

You're wonderful and I hope you have a great week! Thanks again!

When Books Die

Why does Hollywood have to turn some of the best books ever into such horrific movies?

Watching Percy Jackson with my sister was a reminder of all the movies I've seen "adapted" (butchered) from books and other stories. Can we please have a moment of silence for all the amazing stories that have been massacred?

.......
................

Thank you.

We have been disappointed time and time again with movies like Percy Jackson, Eragon, Avatar the Last Airbender, and even children's' books like Where the Wild Things Are and the Cat in the Hat.

I know that people need to make money and can't make five hour long movies all the time, but that is no excuse to take out the best characters, change the freaking plot, and waste our time with some 2 dimensional horse crap that they expect us to happily shove in our faces and then thank them for blessing us with this Frankenstein's monster of a movie!

I'm very passionate about this. I hate to see a story that I fell in love with be turned into..,this. It might not be a big deal to most people, but it is to me and it is to a lot of others. Stories are powerful things and these are stories that affected us in a big way. That's why we get so angry. Someone who doesn't care about something very important to us has gotten our hopes up and then dashed them against the jagged rocks of disappointment.

It's frustrating.

Thank you for reading. Have a wonderful day.

Purpose, Purpose, Wherefore Art Thou Purpose

I know it's been a while since I've written one of these and I think that's because I haven't wanted to think for a while. I've been too busy with work and school and watching a lot of Youtube and Netflix.

I'm just being honest here.

I don't like to think about my future. I just don't. I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life and I get really stressed just thinking about. No joke, I've literally had panic attacks at the mere thought of what I'm going to do with my life. 

I have no idea what I want to do for a career, Not only do I not have a boyfriend, I don't even have any guys I would look twice at right now, so starting a family is waaaaay far away for me. 

I want to find my purpose that God has called me to. 

However, I don't hear the calling right now. And while I'm trying to be OK with that, I can't help but worrying like the crazy person I am. 

I have to remember that there are people in the bible that weren't called until they were much, much older than I am. That's encouraging, at least. 

I want to travel, that's one thing I've always known I wanted to do. But do you know how incredibly expensive it is? REALLY EXPENSIVE. Why does it cost so much? Why do they want everyone to stay where they are? 

Sigh... well, I'll wait for God to make whatever He wants me to do obvious, Until then...

Anyone up for a road trip?

Fool Of A Took

My favorite character from Lord of the Rings is definitely Gandalf (I'm sorry if you've never seen these movies. If you haven't, skip to the 4th section).  He pretty much has been since the first time I saw it. I like to think I'm like him, you know: natural leader, wise, sarcastic, powerful...

Unfortunately, I'm probably more like Pippen.

We were watching the first LOTR movie the other day and we were almost to the scene in the mines of Moria, where they're trying not to be detected by the goblins and they get to the tomb. Pippen, in all his Pippen-glory, accidentally causes a whole skeleton to fall down the well and it echoes through the whole mine. And when you watch that scene and you just cringe because you feel so bad for him.

I did something really stupid like that.

While we were watching LOTR, we started to get hungry and it's around dinner time, so we decide we want pizza. And I am the one who went out to go get it.

Now, we always get pizza from Papa Murphy's. It's delicious. I go, I get it and I put it on top of the car so I can open the door, put the pizza in the seat next to me, and drive home. Simple right? I've done it lots of times before...

To make a long story short, I didn't take it off the roof.

I couldn't find it anywhere and I felt sick.

Have you ever done something that ridiculously stupid that you just want to hit yourself in the head and throw up at the same time? That's how I felt.

I went back, explained the situation to the people working at Papa Murphy's, and they laughed. I would have too, in fact, I did.

They gave me another pizza for a discount and I remembered to put it in my car this time.

.......This is not the end of the story.

To top this all off, I actually found the pizza the next day. On the back of my car.

Not in the back of my car, on it.

That's right, I missed the big, giant pizza on the freaking back of my car. I had been driving around with it for a half a day!

You may take a moment to go "wow." Or do a facepalm. It's up to you.

I'm ok with being a dork most of the time, but sometimes, dang. I cannot believe some of the stupid crap I do.

Well. that's it. Feel free to share any stories like that, if you have them. It might make me feel better. Until next time, have a great week and you are loved.

Heart Knowledge

People can tell you things all your life, you can memorize them and recite them word for word, but what good are they if they don't sink in?

How long does it take for the knowledge in your head to get to your heart?

I ask this because of something that happened recently. I was working on a voice over assignment for school (I had to read a commercial and record it) and I told one of the guys I work with about it.

Now, to understand this, you need to know where I work now. I work at a radio station with the host of the number one talk show in my area. This was the guy I told about my voice over project and he actually offered to help me with it.

Think about that for a second. This professional talk show host (who I actually think is pretty cool) offered to help me with a school assignment. Holy crap. Ok, now we can continue.

Needless to say, I was a little intimidated. I was quite scared to try anything in front of him for fear of failure. He could see that. He asked me to do a witch's cackle for him and I couldn't do it for the longest time. I can't do a witch's cackle! Not a good one anyway. So I couldn't do it at first and he had me do a bunch of other things like bark and act like a monkey.

This was what he said after that. He gave me a few tips and told me to not think when I read my commercial. And it was great advice. The problem was, that's easier said then done. So I managed to actually do a witch's cackle, but it wasn't anything like I thought it should sound like.

He told me my main problem was my lack of confidence and to get out of the way of myself. I almost broke down right then and there. I got so frustrated with myself because people have told me that and I just can't do it. It's hard!

People have told me that before. And I think they're right. I need to stop being afraid of looking stupid and go out there and live my life. I'm slowly getting better at it, but I'm not where I want to be. There is a difference between knowing something in your head and knowing it in your heart and soul.

Being Single

So, as it's four days until Valentine's Day, I thought I would write a blog on romance.

Pffft, like I know anything about that.

I've never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, never even gone out on an official date. And I'm 18. Yet, I don't feel this pressing need for a significant other. I'm perfectly happy being single.

I'm not just saying that, I swear. I really don't feel a need for a boyfriend. It's not like I've never liked a guy before, because trust me, I have. But I don't feel that desperate need for a boyfriend that so many other girls seem to have. They sure talk and complain about being single a lot.

I am seriously worried about this generation. I see a very dangerous cycle forming in this culture. We feel like we need a significant other, so we go looking for one, thinking we'll be happy. When the said significant other is found, we pursue a relationship with them and because they're human, they let us down, sometimes in a big way, sometimes not. So the relationship ends because we let each other down. And then we become consumed with the idea that they weren't "the One". And we either find a way to break the cycle or find another person we think is "the One" and get let down again.

Do you see the problem here?

People are human. They will let you down.

Someone told me if you're not happy without a partner, you will never be happy with one. You're just exchanging one set of problems for another.

Now, I'm not saying this because I think I'm an expert or that I'm better than everyone. I do want to get married someday and have romance. I'm super excited for it! It just hasn't happened yet. And that's OK. God will bring the right guy in when the time is right and when we're both ready.

We're hard-wired for relationships, and we can't survive without other people. Romance is a wonderful thing, I just don't like seeing it become so important to people that they forget there is more to life than finding "the One."

I hope you have an awesome Valentine's Day, whether you're single or with someone. Thanks for reading!

The Bane of Human Existence: Part 1

Middle school was an awful time for me, full of gossip girls and obnoxious boys.

See, aside from middle school being awful in general, my school made it 10x worse. For starters, we had uniforms. And though you might think they would be equalizers, they weren't. Not by a long shot. It was like a challenge. The girls who could find the most form fitting uniforms and accessorize the most without going over the limit were among the "popular" girls.

I was not a popular girl. I had lose fitting shirts and only a few pairs of pants that were washed and worn over and over again. And I never really had a burning desire to be part of that crowd.

I didn't act like a "popular" girl either. I was pretty nerdy. So was my group of friends, even though they didn't really want to admit it.

It was an arts school with a student count of about 500 in total, kindergarten through 12th grade. It was a small school and news traveled fast. No one's crush stayed secret for very long. Including mine. Despite my group of friends not being popular, we had plenty of drama. There were gossip girls, weird relationships, betrayals, divas, etc.

I bring this stuff up to tell the girls still stuck in middle school that it does get better. I had friends talk behind my back. There was even a couple of girls who were my "friends" who told the guy I liked that I had a crush on him. Thank God he wasn't in any of my classes at the time! But it was still super embarrassing.

I was helping with my church's youth group recently and, as expected, most of the middle school girls were talking about boys and who they had a crush on. One of the girls' crushes was at youth group and her friend ended up embarrassing her in front of him.

This girl kind of freaked out and got really frustrated with her friend. As I watched and tried to calm her down, I realized that back when I was in middle school, I would have reacted exact the same way.

Back then, it felt like the end of world. Now, I hardly even think about middle school. I only see two people from way back then. Life goes on after middle school. You just have to get through the war zone.

Hope you enjoyed reading about my past. Have a great day, thanks for reading and if you're still stuck in middle school, hang in there! It's survivable!

Nachos

I have a confession to make... I love nachos.

It's a problem. Whenever we go out to any kind of sports games, I will get them. Even if there is a healthier, more fulfilling option, I will chose the nachos.

This happened at work the other day. I was hungry, so I ran to the gas station and got some. I then returned and proceeded to eat them in the back of the room as quietly as I could. But later someone told me they could still hear me munching away.

Was I surprised? No. Not in the slightest.

I've always been loud, ever since I can remember. Everyone tells me I am.

It's not like it's a mystery where I get it from. Almost everyone in my family is loud. My grandma and mom will start talking to you normally, then somewhere in the middle of the conversation, realize they're shouting. Not just talking loudly, literally shouting. And I do the same thing.

It just happens. Even when I'm in a public place, I end up talking really loud and shouting. Sometimes I scare people. I can be a huge pain at sleepovers. I talk really loud and don't know I'm doing it. Just recently we celebrated my best friend's birthday and stayed the night in a hotel room. And even though it was a room full of girls, I was the one that got shushed.

Not only do I talk loud, I walk loud. My shoes always seem to squeak.

"So why not just wear different shoes?" I've tried! Even when they don't squeak, I have heavy footsteps. Which is one of the reasons I barely wear heels. I also have the extraordinary talent of finding the loudest, squeakiest chair to sit in during tests. When I was taking my SAT test I sat in front, middle chair and every time I moved it would squeak very loudly. And I move a lot, I have ADHD, remember?

I've had friends quite often tell me I eat loudly. Yes, I'm sorry, I'm one of those annoying people! But I can't help it! I don't know how to eat differently. It just comes naturally!

This is why I love it when it's loud, or at least something is happening in the background. My loudness is masked by the background noise. If it's silent, I just feel like a wrecking ball of noise. And it doesn't really help that I'm clumsy.

Is anyone else like this? Do the squeaky things in life just seem drawn to you? Do you feel more comfortable when it's loud? I would love to know...

I'm just a loud person. I've come to accept it, it's a part of who I am. I used to be insecure about it, but not so much anymore. And I wouldn't change it for anything.

Bye! Thanks for reading!

First Blog

So, this is my first blog. Interesting.

I guess I should tell you some things about myself, right? I mean, that's what people normally do, right?

Where to start? Where to start? I would say at the beginning, but let's be honest. That would be a bit boring. Let's start with now.

I am a college student who hates school at the moment. I'm hoping this semester will be better. I also have two jobs, which can get stressful sometimes. What I really want to do is make films. Films that make people laugh and cry and, most importantly, think. Think in ways that maybe they haven't before.

I am a drama queen. I actually love theatre and I've been told I'm a pretty talented actress. I'm OK. I'm also a drama queen in the sense that I tend to make bigger deals out of things than other people. I think that has something to do with the tidal waves of emotion that I get every day.

I have ADHD. I've never been tested, but I don't need a test to tell me I am. I have almost all of the  symptoms of it. And there is a difference between girls and boys when they have ADHD. My best friend growing up was a boy and he had it too.

I am a Christian. Or Jesus Freak, whichever term you prefer. I am not ashamed of it. I am not ashamed to be associated with Jesus, but Christians often have a very bad rep. I don't think I'm one of those preachy, judging kind of people. At least, I'm not anymore. Jesus saved my life in more ways than one.

I love my family and friends and am incredibly loyal. Once you gain my friendship, there is almost nothing you can do to make me stop being your friend. Just don't be a jerk and stab me in the back. And be honest, be real.

 Why am I starting this blog? For a bunch of different reasons.
1. I've wanted to start blogging for a long time.
2. I hope I can help people or make them laugh with my stories.
3. To help people think outside their box.
4. To encourage other people.
5. Maybe I can help people see from a different perspective. 

That's about all I have to say for now. I'll let you get back to your life. Whoever you are, thanks for reading!