Purpose, Purpose, Wherefore Art Thou Purpose

I know it's been a while since I've written one of these and I think that's because I haven't wanted to think for a while. I've been too busy with work and school and watching a lot of Youtube and Netflix.

I'm just being honest here.

I don't like to think about my future. I just don't. I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life and I get really stressed just thinking about. No joke, I've literally had panic attacks at the mere thought of what I'm going to do with my life. 

I have no idea what I want to do for a career, Not only do I not have a boyfriend, I don't even have any guys I would look twice at right now, so starting a family is waaaaay far away for me. 

I want to find my purpose that God has called me to. 

However, I don't hear the calling right now. And while I'm trying to be OK with that, I can't help but worrying like the crazy person I am. 

I have to remember that there are people in the bible that weren't called until they were much, much older than I am. That's encouraging, at least. 

I want to travel, that's one thing I've always known I wanted to do. But do you know how incredibly expensive it is? REALLY EXPENSIVE. Why does it cost so much? Why do they want everyone to stay where they are? 

Sigh... well, I'll wait for God to make whatever He wants me to do obvious, Until then...

Anyone up for a road trip?

The Bane of Human Existence: Part 1

Middle school was an awful time for me, full of gossip girls and obnoxious boys.

See, aside from middle school being awful in general, my school made it 10x worse. For starters, we had uniforms. And though you might think they would be equalizers, they weren't. Not by a long shot. It was like a challenge. The girls who could find the most form fitting uniforms and accessorize the most without going over the limit were among the "popular" girls.

I was not a popular girl. I had lose fitting shirts and only a few pairs of pants that were washed and worn over and over again. And I never really had a burning desire to be part of that crowd.

I didn't act like a "popular" girl either. I was pretty nerdy. So was my group of friends, even though they didn't really want to admit it.

It was an arts school with a student count of about 500 in total, kindergarten through 12th grade. It was a small school and news traveled fast. No one's crush stayed secret for very long. Including mine. Despite my group of friends not being popular, we had plenty of drama. There were gossip girls, weird relationships, betrayals, divas, etc.

I bring this stuff up to tell the girls still stuck in middle school that it does get better. I had friends talk behind my back. There was even a couple of girls who were my "friends" who told the guy I liked that I had a crush on him. Thank God he wasn't in any of my classes at the time! But it was still super embarrassing.

I was helping with my church's youth group recently and, as expected, most of the middle school girls were talking about boys and who they had a crush on. One of the girls' crushes was at youth group and her friend ended up embarrassing her in front of him.

This girl kind of freaked out and got really frustrated with her friend. As I watched and tried to calm her down, I realized that back when I was in middle school, I would have reacted exact the same way.

Back then, it felt like the end of world. Now, I hardly even think about middle school. I only see two people from way back then. Life goes on after middle school. You just have to get through the war zone.

Hope you enjoyed reading about my past. Have a great day, thanks for reading and if you're still stuck in middle school, hang in there! It's survivable!

First Blog

So, this is my first blog. Interesting.

I guess I should tell you some things about myself, right? I mean, that's what people normally do, right?

Where to start? Where to start? I would say at the beginning, but let's be honest. That would be a bit boring. Let's start with now.

I am a college student who hates school at the moment. I'm hoping this semester will be better. I also have two jobs, which can get stressful sometimes. What I really want to do is make films. Films that make people laugh and cry and, most importantly, think. Think in ways that maybe they haven't before.

I am a drama queen. I actually love theatre and I've been told I'm a pretty talented actress. I'm OK. I'm also a drama queen in the sense that I tend to make bigger deals out of things than other people. I think that has something to do with the tidal waves of emotion that I get every day.

I have ADHD. I've never been tested, but I don't need a test to tell me I am. I have almost all of the  symptoms of it. And there is a difference between girls and boys when they have ADHD. My best friend growing up was a boy and he had it too.

I am a Christian. Or Jesus Freak, whichever term you prefer. I am not ashamed of it. I am not ashamed to be associated with Jesus, but Christians often have a very bad rep. I don't think I'm one of those preachy, judging kind of people. At least, I'm not anymore. Jesus saved my life in more ways than one.

I love my family and friends and am incredibly loyal. Once you gain my friendship, there is almost nothing you can do to make me stop being your friend. Just don't be a jerk and stab me in the back. And be honest, be real.

 Why am I starting this blog? For a bunch of different reasons.
1. I've wanted to start blogging for a long time.
2. I hope I can help people or make them laugh with my stories.
3. To help people think outside their box.
4. To encourage other people.
5. Maybe I can help people see from a different perspective. 

That's about all I have to say for now. I'll let you get back to your life. Whoever you are, thanks for reading!