Purpose, Purpose, Wherefore Art Thou Purpose

I know it's been a while since I've written one of these and I think that's because I haven't wanted to think for a while. I've been too busy with work and school and watching a lot of Youtube and Netflix.

I'm just being honest here.

I don't like to think about my future. I just don't. I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life and I get really stressed just thinking about. No joke, I've literally had panic attacks at the mere thought of what I'm going to do with my life. 

I have no idea what I want to do for a career, Not only do I not have a boyfriend, I don't even have any guys I would look twice at right now, so starting a family is waaaaay far away for me. 

I want to find my purpose that God has called me to. 

However, I don't hear the calling right now. And while I'm trying to be OK with that, I can't help but worrying like the crazy person I am. 

I have to remember that there are people in the bible that weren't called until they were much, much older than I am. That's encouraging, at least. 

I want to travel, that's one thing I've always known I wanted to do. But do you know how incredibly expensive it is? REALLY EXPENSIVE. Why does it cost so much? Why do they want everyone to stay where they are? 

Sigh... well, I'll wait for God to make whatever He wants me to do obvious, Until then...

Anyone up for a road trip?

School and Why I Hate It

I know I haven't done of one of these posts in a while and I'm sorry. I have been very busy.  I got done with school and was thrown straight into working almost every day. And while I love my job it's been stressful for me.

I just got back from vacation and it was exactly what the doctor ordered. I spent a few days not doing much and my poor brain needed a break.

Now I'm being thrown right back into work. The summer is halfway over and I don't feel like I've done anything useful with it. And it's killing me because I know I'll have to go back to school soon. That's the last thing I want to do.

I hate school, always have. I hate the deadlines, the pressure and how it demands to be the most important thing in your life. You have a social life? When August/September comes around, you can say good bye to that.

Especially when you have a job as well. My job is taking up all of my weekend nights right now and I keep having to say no to doing things with friends. And it doesn't help that I am a night owl and that I feel my best at night.

I feel like our school system is really messed up. It's considered normal to be so stressed out that you have at least a couple breakdowns during the year. It's considered normal to have so little time to yourself that you burn out. My age group is statistically the most lonely. It should not be that way. We don't have time to foster and grow healthy relationships. We rarely see people unless it's in class or for a project or for work.

Movies and TV portray college to be like:

You know, studying with friends, laughing having a great time.

Let me tell you, IT"S NOT LIKE THAT.
Not unless you're going to school to study something you're really passionate about and you have fantastic friends that help you study and don't distract you.

Hold onto that if you have it.

What college really feels like most of the time is this:

Obviously each of us would have different titles on those books, but the principle is still there.

They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but sometimes I think the stress of work and school and life in general will just leave me curled up in a corner, hissing at anyone who tries to approach.

On that note, no matter where you are, in school or out of school, have a great week. You are loved. I will write you later.

First Blog

So, this is my first blog. Interesting.

I guess I should tell you some things about myself, right? I mean, that's what people normally do, right?

Where to start? Where to start? I would say at the beginning, but let's be honest. That would be a bit boring. Let's start with now.

I am a college student who hates school at the moment. I'm hoping this semester will be better. I also have two jobs, which can get stressful sometimes. What I really want to do is make films. Films that make people laugh and cry and, most importantly, think. Think in ways that maybe they haven't before.

I am a drama queen. I actually love theatre and I've been told I'm a pretty talented actress. I'm OK. I'm also a drama queen in the sense that I tend to make bigger deals out of things than other people. I think that has something to do with the tidal waves of emotion that I get every day.

I have ADHD. I've never been tested, but I don't need a test to tell me I am. I have almost all of the  symptoms of it. And there is a difference between girls and boys when they have ADHD. My best friend growing up was a boy and he had it too.

I am a Christian. Or Jesus Freak, whichever term you prefer. I am not ashamed of it. I am not ashamed to be associated with Jesus, but Christians often have a very bad rep. I don't think I'm one of those preachy, judging kind of people. At least, I'm not anymore. Jesus saved my life in more ways than one.

I love my family and friends and am incredibly loyal. Once you gain my friendship, there is almost nothing you can do to make me stop being your friend. Just don't be a jerk and stab me in the back. And be honest, be real.

 Why am I starting this blog? For a bunch of different reasons.
1. I've wanted to start blogging for a long time.
2. I hope I can help people or make them laugh with my stories.
3. To help people think outside their box.
4. To encourage other people.
5. Maybe I can help people see from a different perspective. 

That's about all I have to say for now. I'll let you get back to your life. Whoever you are, thanks for reading!