Purpose? That you?

So far college hasn't been the best experience for me. For the first three years I was getting my AA degree, I felt lost and frustrated with my lack of a reason for being there. I didn't know what I was doing. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life or for a career.

Fortunately, a pattern started to form.

I started taking more media and communication classes and actually enjoying them. That is something I had never experienced before in school. I am not a natural born student. I've hated school from pretty much the first day of Pre-K. 

But it started to click, just a little bit with me, I started to learn stuff that I actually cared about. 

So I got my AA and went on to a different school, because I still wasn't sure what I wanted to do, but I might as well have a Bachelor's degree. I went into Communication, which I thought I would love. 

I was wrong. 

It was boring. Honestly, I think I learned about the communication model in every one of my classes. At the same time. And I learned about Pathos, Ethos and Logos in at least two out of four. That is something I learned all the way back in HIGH SCHOOL.

And a couple of the classes ended up being incredibly hard. I got the first C I've had in years because one of the teachers graded so hard. 

So, I recently decided to say "screw it" and go for what I've wanted to do for about 3 or 4 years now. 

I want to be a director. Of film. 

So I changed my major to Media Arts and so far, I love it. 

I feel like I'm starting to find what I'm meant to be. I know that sounds cheesy, but most of things I think and say are cheesy. 

For example, in my class about Film Producers, we were talking about finances and how to fund your movie. And normally, in any class talking about finances would be enough to make me want to use a cheese grater on my forehead, but this time I was engaged in what we were talking about. Do you understand how strange that is for me? 

So we'll see if this sticks for once and I don't become one of those college students who changes their major six times. Gosh, I hope so. I want to be done with school so badly. 

So moral of the story? Don't let anyone stop you from doing what you love to do. I should have done this earlier. I wish I would have changed my major last semester. 

So, thanks for listening and I will see you next year when I do another blog post. 

Just Kidding.

Hopefully.

You're wonderful and I hope you have a great week! Thanks again!

Being Single

So, as it's four days until Valentine's Day, I thought I would write a blog on romance.

Pffft, like I know anything about that.

I've never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, never even gone out on an official date. And I'm 18. Yet, I don't feel this pressing need for a significant other. I'm perfectly happy being single.

I'm not just saying that, I swear. I really don't feel a need for a boyfriend. It's not like I've never liked a guy before, because trust me, I have. But I don't feel that desperate need for a boyfriend that so many other girls seem to have. They sure talk and complain about being single a lot.

I am seriously worried about this generation. I see a very dangerous cycle forming in this culture. We feel like we need a significant other, so we go looking for one, thinking we'll be happy. When the said significant other is found, we pursue a relationship with them and because they're human, they let us down, sometimes in a big way, sometimes not. So the relationship ends because we let each other down. And then we become consumed with the idea that they weren't "the One". And we either find a way to break the cycle or find another person we think is "the One" and get let down again.

Do you see the problem here?

People are human. They will let you down.

Someone told me if you're not happy without a partner, you will never be happy with one. You're just exchanging one set of problems for another.

Now, I'm not saying this because I think I'm an expert or that I'm better than everyone. I do want to get married someday and have romance. I'm super excited for it! It just hasn't happened yet. And that's OK. God will bring the right guy in when the time is right and when we're both ready.

We're hard-wired for relationships, and we can't survive without other people. Romance is a wonderful thing, I just don't like seeing it become so important to people that they forget there is more to life than finding "the One."

I hope you have an awesome Valentine's Day, whether you're single or with someone. Thanks for reading!

The Bane of Human Existence: Part 1

Middle school was an awful time for me, full of gossip girls and obnoxious boys.

See, aside from middle school being awful in general, my school made it 10x worse. For starters, we had uniforms. And though you might think they would be equalizers, they weren't. Not by a long shot. It was like a challenge. The girls who could find the most form fitting uniforms and accessorize the most without going over the limit were among the "popular" girls.

I was not a popular girl. I had lose fitting shirts and only a few pairs of pants that were washed and worn over and over again. And I never really had a burning desire to be part of that crowd.

I didn't act like a "popular" girl either. I was pretty nerdy. So was my group of friends, even though they didn't really want to admit it.

It was an arts school with a student count of about 500 in total, kindergarten through 12th grade. It was a small school and news traveled fast. No one's crush stayed secret for very long. Including mine. Despite my group of friends not being popular, we had plenty of drama. There were gossip girls, weird relationships, betrayals, divas, etc.

I bring this stuff up to tell the girls still stuck in middle school that it does get better. I had friends talk behind my back. There was even a couple of girls who were my "friends" who told the guy I liked that I had a crush on him. Thank God he wasn't in any of my classes at the time! But it was still super embarrassing.

I was helping with my church's youth group recently and, as expected, most of the middle school girls were talking about boys and who they had a crush on. One of the girls' crushes was at youth group and her friend ended up embarrassing her in front of him.

This girl kind of freaked out and got really frustrated with her friend. As I watched and tried to calm her down, I realized that back when I was in middle school, I would have reacted exact the same way.

Back then, it felt like the end of world. Now, I hardly even think about middle school. I only see two people from way back then. Life goes on after middle school. You just have to get through the war zone.

Hope you enjoyed reading about my past. Have a great day, thanks for reading and if you're still stuck in middle school, hang in there! It's survivable!

Relaxing

Relaxing is hard for me.

I'm not talking about physical relaxing, because if I'm honest, I'm pretty lazy. No, I'm talking about mental and emotional relaxation. It's really hard for me to just calm down and relax.

My brain does not have the ability to shut up. It latches onto the smallest, most bizarre things to think about and then just keeps going from there. One thing leads to another and sooner or later my thoughts are in a place I like to call the Wastelands. The Wastelands are where those thoughts that you have no idea why you were even thinking about them in the first place hang out. Sometimes this is where great ideas and stories are born, other times it's just terrifying.

Emotionally I cannot relax. I have really intense emotions naturally, so when I don't feel strongly about something, I get confused. And if I don't feel anything about a particular subject, I normally find a way to make myself care. Or I find something else to care about.

I was in class today, a class that I actually am interested in and we had a lab. I was in a group of two other girls, one that seemed like she just did not want to be there and the other seemed pretty nice.

Through the lab, I realized that these girls didn't think about things the way I do. One of them told me I was over-thinking an answer, then later she told me to relax. I almost replied "telling me to relax works about as well as baptizing a cat."


Sometimes I wish I had an "empty box". One of my friends "Ben" told me that most of his brain was an empty box. He didn't really think about anything most of the time. I couldn't believe anyone could really have that.

But I do like that I try to dive past what's on the surface of things. However, it can get really tiring.

Well, that's it for this time. Hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading!

First Blog

So, this is my first blog. Interesting.

I guess I should tell you some things about myself, right? I mean, that's what people normally do, right?

Where to start? Where to start? I would say at the beginning, but let's be honest. That would be a bit boring. Let's start with now.

I am a college student who hates school at the moment. I'm hoping this semester will be better. I also have two jobs, which can get stressful sometimes. What I really want to do is make films. Films that make people laugh and cry and, most importantly, think. Think in ways that maybe they haven't before.

I am a drama queen. I actually love theatre and I've been told I'm a pretty talented actress. I'm OK. I'm also a drama queen in the sense that I tend to make bigger deals out of things than other people. I think that has something to do with the tidal waves of emotion that I get every day.

I have ADHD. I've never been tested, but I don't need a test to tell me I am. I have almost all of the  symptoms of it. And there is a difference between girls and boys when they have ADHD. My best friend growing up was a boy and he had it too.

I am a Christian. Or Jesus Freak, whichever term you prefer. I am not ashamed of it. I am not ashamed to be associated with Jesus, but Christians often have a very bad rep. I don't think I'm one of those preachy, judging kind of people. At least, I'm not anymore. Jesus saved my life in more ways than one.

I love my family and friends and am incredibly loyal. Once you gain my friendship, there is almost nothing you can do to make me stop being your friend. Just don't be a jerk and stab me in the back. And be honest, be real.

 Why am I starting this blog? For a bunch of different reasons.
1. I've wanted to start blogging for a long time.
2. I hope I can help people or make them laugh with my stories.
3. To help people think outside their box.
4. To encourage other people.
5. Maybe I can help people see from a different perspective. 

That's about all I have to say for now. I'll let you get back to your life. Whoever you are, thanks for reading!