Heart Knowledge

People can tell you things all your life, you can memorize them and recite them word for word, but what good are they if they don't sink in?

How long does it take for the knowledge in your head to get to your heart?

I ask this because of something that happened recently. I was working on a voice over assignment for school (I had to read a commercial and record it) and I told one of the guys I work with about it.

Now, to understand this, you need to know where I work now. I work at a radio station with the host of the number one talk show in my area. This was the guy I told about my voice over project and he actually offered to help me with it.

Think about that for a second. This professional talk show host (who I actually think is pretty cool) offered to help me with a school assignment. Holy crap. Ok, now we can continue.

Needless to say, I was a little intimidated. I was quite scared to try anything in front of him for fear of failure. He could see that. He asked me to do a witch's cackle for him and I couldn't do it for the longest time. I can't do a witch's cackle! Not a good one anyway. So I couldn't do it at first and he had me do a bunch of other things like bark and act like a monkey.

This was what he said after that. He gave me a few tips and told me to not think when I read my commercial. And it was great advice. The problem was, that's easier said then done. So I managed to actually do a witch's cackle, but it wasn't anything like I thought it should sound like.

He told me my main problem was my lack of confidence and to get out of the way of myself. I almost broke down right then and there. I got so frustrated with myself because people have told me that and I just can't do it. It's hard!

People have told me that before. And I think they're right. I need to stop being afraid of looking stupid and go out there and live my life. I'm slowly getting better at it, but I'm not where I want to be. There is a difference between knowing something in your head and knowing it in your heart and soul.

That's Not My Name

So, my name is Goldie, believe it or not. Before you ask, yes, it is my real name. It is the name that is on my birth certificate, it is the name that my parents gave me. I was named after my great grandmother.

Now, I like my name. However, there are very few people with the same name. I have never met anyone with the same name as me, except on the phone. So, whenever I introduce myself to new people, there is always some sort of reaction to my name. I've heard just about everything, but there are five things I hear the most often.

Here are the top 5 things that people say when they learn my name.

1. "Is that your real name?"
I've already mentioned this, but it's the thing that the most people say, so it's worth mentioning again. I just sigh whenever someone asks me this now. I've actually started introducing myself like I did in the beginning of this blog.

2. "Oh, like Goldie Hawn?"
Yes, like Goldie Hawn. No, I was not named after her. I just recently got asked this by a guy who was my age. Normally it's older adults that ask me this, but when this 20 year old guy asked me, I was bit surprised.

3. "What?"
Either they didn't hear me or they think they heard wrong when I get this response. And I have to wonder, what do they think is my name? Cody? Colby? Those are the two names that I mistake myself when they're shouted out in a crowd. They sound a lot like Goldie and it's kind of disappointing when you think someone is calling you and it turns out they're shouting for someone else.

4. "Goldielocks!"
This is the one I hate. All the others are fine, but I really don't like being called Goldilocks. I'm not sure why, but it's always made me really annoyed. I actually shoved a kid in 5th grade because we wouldn't stop calling me it. When you first meet me, I give you one chance to call me that. After that, it's your funeral.

5, "But you don't have gold/blonde hair!"
No, really?! Are you sure? This normally follows after being called Goldielocks. I've had dark brown all my life, I'm quite aware that I am not a blonde, thank you for the observation. And the part that makes me laugh the most about this is that quite often they think they are the first people to point that out.

People also quite often tell me that it's a cool and unique name and I like that. Even if it's after one of the five things that I wrote about. I love my name and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

So, until the next time I write a blog, goodbye and have a great week!

Individuality

People are different. That much is pretty obvious.

There seems to be this deep desire within us to be different from everyone else. We all like to think we're special. Don't get me wrong, we are all special, we're all different, but sometimes I look around and I'm confused.

See, while we have this need to be an individual and stand out, there is also this strong need to fit in. And that goes against the impulse to be different.

I see so much damage being done because of these two needs. There are the people whose need to conform is stronger and there are the people whose need to feel different leads them to rebel against everything.

I've mentioned before how I wasn't a "popular" kid. My need for individuality and my lack of ability to be fake made sure of that. I used to be sad that I wasn't in the "cool crowd". They always looked like they had so much fun. Now,  I'm so thankful that I wasn't. Now I am drawn to people who don't fake it, who try to be themselves as much as society tells them not to be.

I am not talking about the kids who try to rebel against everything by dressing scene or goth. If you like that style, go for it. But if you're doing it because you want to appear "edgy". Stop. Please. Just be yourself. There is nothing better that you could be.

God made each of us for a specific purpose. I believe that. And I don't believe that we will find any real purpose in life unless we trust God to lead us down the road He knows is best.

I love this de-motivational poster. I am a very sarcastic person and as much as this poster is supposed to be sarcastic and ironic, it's true. You are unique, and so is everyone else. Can you imagine if we weren't? How boring would this world be? 

What if every star was the same? What if they all were the same distance from the earth and each shined the same? The sky would look so uniform and it would lose most of its beauty. You were made to shine in the way only you can. Please don't try to copy anyone else's light. This world would be so much darker without you. 

Being Single

So, as it's four days until Valentine's Day, I thought I would write a blog on romance.

Pffft, like I know anything about that.

I've never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, never even gone out on an official date. And I'm 18. Yet, I don't feel this pressing need for a significant other. I'm perfectly happy being single.

I'm not just saying that, I swear. I really don't feel a need for a boyfriend. It's not like I've never liked a guy before, because trust me, I have. But I don't feel that desperate need for a boyfriend that so many other girls seem to have. They sure talk and complain about being single a lot.

I am seriously worried about this generation. I see a very dangerous cycle forming in this culture. We feel like we need a significant other, so we go looking for one, thinking we'll be happy. When the said significant other is found, we pursue a relationship with them and because they're human, they let us down, sometimes in a big way, sometimes not. So the relationship ends because we let each other down. And then we become consumed with the idea that they weren't "the One". And we either find a way to break the cycle or find another person we think is "the One" and get let down again.

Do you see the problem here?

People are human. They will let you down.

Someone told me if you're not happy without a partner, you will never be happy with one. You're just exchanging one set of problems for another.

Now, I'm not saying this because I think I'm an expert or that I'm better than everyone. I do want to get married someday and have romance. I'm super excited for it! It just hasn't happened yet. And that's OK. God will bring the right guy in when the time is right and when we're both ready.

We're hard-wired for relationships, and we can't survive without other people. Romance is a wonderful thing, I just don't like seeing it become so important to people that they forget there is more to life than finding "the One."

I hope you have an awesome Valentine's Day, whether you're single or with someone. Thanks for reading!

The Bane of Human Existence: Part 1

Middle school was an awful time for me, full of gossip girls and obnoxious boys.

See, aside from middle school being awful in general, my school made it 10x worse. For starters, we had uniforms. And though you might think they would be equalizers, they weren't. Not by a long shot. It was like a challenge. The girls who could find the most form fitting uniforms and accessorize the most without going over the limit were among the "popular" girls.

I was not a popular girl. I had lose fitting shirts and only a few pairs of pants that were washed and worn over and over again. And I never really had a burning desire to be part of that crowd.

I didn't act like a "popular" girl either. I was pretty nerdy. So was my group of friends, even though they didn't really want to admit it.

It was an arts school with a student count of about 500 in total, kindergarten through 12th grade. It was a small school and news traveled fast. No one's crush stayed secret for very long. Including mine. Despite my group of friends not being popular, we had plenty of drama. There were gossip girls, weird relationships, betrayals, divas, etc.

I bring this stuff up to tell the girls still stuck in middle school that it does get better. I had friends talk behind my back. There was even a couple of girls who were my "friends" who told the guy I liked that I had a crush on him. Thank God he wasn't in any of my classes at the time! But it was still super embarrassing.

I was helping with my church's youth group recently and, as expected, most of the middle school girls were talking about boys and who they had a crush on. One of the girls' crushes was at youth group and her friend ended up embarrassing her in front of him.

This girl kind of freaked out and got really frustrated with her friend. As I watched and tried to calm her down, I realized that back when I was in middle school, I would have reacted exact the same way.

Back then, it felt like the end of world. Now, I hardly even think about middle school. I only see two people from way back then. Life goes on after middle school. You just have to get through the war zone.

Hope you enjoyed reading about my past. Have a great day, thanks for reading and if you're still stuck in middle school, hang in there! It's survivable!

Relaxing

Relaxing is hard for me.

I'm not talking about physical relaxing, because if I'm honest, I'm pretty lazy. No, I'm talking about mental and emotional relaxation. It's really hard for me to just calm down and relax.

My brain does not have the ability to shut up. It latches onto the smallest, most bizarre things to think about and then just keeps going from there. One thing leads to another and sooner or later my thoughts are in a place I like to call the Wastelands. The Wastelands are where those thoughts that you have no idea why you were even thinking about them in the first place hang out. Sometimes this is where great ideas and stories are born, other times it's just terrifying.

Emotionally I cannot relax. I have really intense emotions naturally, so when I don't feel strongly about something, I get confused. And if I don't feel anything about a particular subject, I normally find a way to make myself care. Or I find something else to care about.

I was in class today, a class that I actually am interested in and we had a lab. I was in a group of two other girls, one that seemed like she just did not want to be there and the other seemed pretty nice.

Through the lab, I realized that these girls didn't think about things the way I do. One of them told me I was over-thinking an answer, then later she told me to relax. I almost replied "telling me to relax works about as well as baptizing a cat."


Sometimes I wish I had an "empty box". One of my friends "Ben" told me that most of his brain was an empty box. He didn't really think about anything most of the time. I couldn't believe anyone could really have that.

But I do like that I try to dive past what's on the surface of things. However, it can get really tiring.

Well, that's it for this time. Hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading!

Nachos

I have a confession to make... I love nachos.

It's a problem. Whenever we go out to any kind of sports games, I will get them. Even if there is a healthier, more fulfilling option, I will chose the nachos.

This happened at work the other day. I was hungry, so I ran to the gas station and got some. I then returned and proceeded to eat them in the back of the room as quietly as I could. But later someone told me they could still hear me munching away.

Was I surprised? No. Not in the slightest.

I've always been loud, ever since I can remember. Everyone tells me I am.

It's not like it's a mystery where I get it from. Almost everyone in my family is loud. My grandma and mom will start talking to you normally, then somewhere in the middle of the conversation, realize they're shouting. Not just talking loudly, literally shouting. And I do the same thing.

It just happens. Even when I'm in a public place, I end up talking really loud and shouting. Sometimes I scare people. I can be a huge pain at sleepovers. I talk really loud and don't know I'm doing it. Just recently we celebrated my best friend's birthday and stayed the night in a hotel room. And even though it was a room full of girls, I was the one that got shushed.

Not only do I talk loud, I walk loud. My shoes always seem to squeak.

"So why not just wear different shoes?" I've tried! Even when they don't squeak, I have heavy footsteps. Which is one of the reasons I barely wear heels. I also have the extraordinary talent of finding the loudest, squeakiest chair to sit in during tests. When I was taking my SAT test I sat in front, middle chair and every time I moved it would squeak very loudly. And I move a lot, I have ADHD, remember?

I've had friends quite often tell me I eat loudly. Yes, I'm sorry, I'm one of those annoying people! But I can't help it! I don't know how to eat differently. It just comes naturally!

This is why I love it when it's loud, or at least something is happening in the background. My loudness is masked by the background noise. If it's silent, I just feel like a wrecking ball of noise. And it doesn't really help that I'm clumsy.

Is anyone else like this? Do the squeaky things in life just seem drawn to you? Do you feel more comfortable when it's loud? I would love to know...

I'm just a loud person. I've come to accept it, it's a part of who I am. I used to be insecure about it, but not so much anymore. And I wouldn't change it for anything.

Bye! Thanks for reading!