Tuesday, January 28, 2014


Relaxing is hard for me.

I'm not talking about physical relaxing, because if I'm honest, I'm pretty lazy. No, I'm talking about mental and emotional relaxation. It's really hard for me to just calm down and relax.

My brain does not have the ability to shut up. It latches onto the smallest, most bizarre things to think about and then just keeps going from there. One thing leads to another and sooner or later my thoughts are in a place I like to call the Wastelands. The Wastelands are where those thoughts that you have no idea why you were even thinking about them in the first place hang out. Sometimes this is where great ideas and stories are born, other times it's just terrifying.

Emotionally I cannot relax. I have really intense emotions naturally, so when I don't feel strongly about something, I get confused. And if I don't feel anything about a particular subject, I normally find a way to make myself care. Or I find something else to care about.

I was in class today, a class that I actually am interested in and we had a lab. I was in a group of two other girls, one that seemed like she just did not want to be there and the other seemed pretty nice.

Through the lab, I realized that these girls didn't think about things the way I do. One of them told me I was over-thinking an answer, then later she told me to relax. I almost replied "telling me to relax works about as well as baptizing a cat."

Sometimes I wish I had an "empty box". One of my friends "Ben" told me that most of his brain was an empty box. He didn't really think about anything most of the time. I couldn't believe anyone could really have that.

But I do like that I try to dive past what's on the surface of things. However, it can get really tiring.

Well, that's it for this time. Hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading!

Monday, January 20, 2014


I have a confession to make... I love nachos.

It's a problem. Whenever we go out to any kind of sports games, I will get them. Even if there is a healthier, more fulfilling option, I will chose the nachos.

This happened at work the other day. I was hungry, so I ran to the gas station and got some. I then returned and proceeded to eat them in the back of the room as quietly as I could. But later someone told me they could still hear me munching away.

Was I surprised? No. Not in the slightest.

I've always been loud, ever since I can remember. Everyone tells me I am.

It's not like it's a mystery where I get it from. Almost everyone in my family is loud. My grandma and mom will start talking to you normally, then somewhere in the middle of the conversation, realize they're shouting. Not just talking loudly, literally shouting. And I do the same thing.

It just happens. Even when I'm in a public place, I end up talking really loud and shouting. Sometimes I scare people. I can be a huge pain at sleepovers. I talk really loud and don't know I'm doing it. Just recently we celebrated my best friend's birthday and stayed the night in a hotel room. And even though it was a room full of girls, I was the one that got shushed.

Not only do I talk loud, I walk loud. My shoes always seem to squeak.

"So why not just wear different shoes?" I've tried! Even when they don't squeak, I have heavy footsteps. Which is one of the reasons I barely wear heels. I also have the extraordinary talent of finding the loudest, squeakiest chair to sit in during tests. When I was taking my SAT test I sat in front, middle chair and every time I moved it would squeak very loudly. And I move a lot, I have ADHD, remember?

I've had friends quite often tell me I eat loudly. Yes, I'm sorry, I'm one of those annoying people! But I can't help it! I don't know how to eat differently. It just comes naturally!

This is why I love it when it's loud, or at least something is happening in the background. My loudness is masked by the background noise. If it's silent, I just feel like a wrecking ball of noise. And it doesn't really help that I'm clumsy.

Is anyone else like this? Do the squeaky things in life just seem drawn to you? Do you feel more comfortable when it's loud? I would love to know...

I'm just a loud person. I've come to accept it, it's a part of who I am. I used to be insecure about it, but not so much anymore. And I wouldn't change it for anything.

Bye! Thanks for reading!

Monday, January 13, 2014

First Blog

So, this is my first blog. Interesting.

I guess I should tell you some things about myself, right? I mean, that's what people normally do, right?

Where to start? Where to start? I would say at the beginning, but let's be honest. That would be a bit boring. Let's start with now.

I am a college student who hates school at the moment. I'm hoping this semester will be better. I also have two jobs, which can get stressful sometimes. What I really want to do is make films. Films that make people laugh and cry and, most importantly, think. Think in ways that maybe they haven't before.

I am a drama queen. I actually love theatre and I've been told I'm a pretty talented actress. I'm OK. I'm also a drama queen in the sense that I tend to make bigger deals out of things than other people. I think that has something to do with the tidal waves of emotion that I get every day.

I have ADHD. I've never been tested, but I don't need a test to tell me I am. I have almost all of the  symptoms of it. And there is a difference between girls and boys when they have ADHD. My best friend growing up was a boy and he had it too.

I am a Christian. Or Jesus Freak, whichever term you prefer. I am not ashamed of it. I am not ashamed to be associated with Jesus, but Christians often have a very bad rep. I don't think I'm one of those preachy, judging kind of people. At least, I'm not anymore. Jesus saved my life in more ways than one.

I love my family and friends and am incredibly loyal. Once you gain my friendship, there is almost nothing you can do to make me stop being your friend. Just don't be a jerk and stab me in the back. And be honest, be real.

 Why am I starting this blog? For a bunch of different reasons.
1. I've wanted to start blogging for a long time.
2. I hope I can help people or make them laugh with my stories.
3. To help people think outside their box.
4. To encourage other people.
5. Maybe I can help people see from a different perspective. 

That's about all I have to say for now. I'll let you get back to your life. Whoever you are, thanks for reading!